Here's a new one for you.
It's also a long read, but I hope it's worth it.
There will be a very short tldr at the bottom.
I'm an asexual female. I have been this way my whole life. I have always been in a healthy weight. Never overweight. My life has ranged from active to fairly sedate.
I learned how to cook growing up, so my diet is varied and usually healthy.
For those who do not know, asexuality is another of the many forms of sexualities that are being identified, just as being bi or gay or trans, etc.
It's name implies what it means. Asexuals have zero interest in sex.
It is a very rare sexual identity. Approximately 1% of the population will identify as Ace.
And just as with most other newly legitimized sexualities there are always going to be those that won't believe it is real, but let me assure you, at 29 years old I am certain that it is not just a phase.
For me growing up I did not know that this was a thing.
In my younger years I saw what was considered normal heterosexuality in the media and figured one day I'd understand, as all the adults claimed.
In my teen years my friends started getting into it.
Homosexuality also became an acceptable topic. I did not identify with homosexuality, and I did not feel any "urges" for either gender.
If I saw someone who I considered attractive I would not want to get physical with them in any way. I would just enjoy the opportunity to admire them, like a piece of art (this is super common amoung those who identify as Ace).
As a young adult I still had no desires or urges.
Masturbation was on the same level as a massage. It felt good, but was not an urge. I could not do it for years with no ill effect.
Eventually I met a guy. We really clicked for personalities. I really wanted to be with him, but I still felt no urges. I just knew that everything else about him felt right.
So we started dating. I hoped that I would change as I experienced they physical side of a relationship.
It took a long time, but eventually we did have sex.
I figured I wouldn't enjoy it the first time or two, but that I would eventually find the pleasure in it.
If anything it was always painful. Within the first 5-10 minutes it felt like receiving an indian arm burn, but in a much more uncomfortable place.
There was usually blood afterwards, too. Not much.
No amount of lube helped.
Then I learned about asexuality and had a "wow" moment as everything clicked and made sense.
I also learned about a condition known as vaginismus. Likely what caused the burning and bleeding.
I went to my doctor and asked for some help. Our sex life was pitiful and I got no joy from it, which made my boyfriend very unhappy.
I asked if my hormones could be off. She felt this was unlikely but referred me to a gyno and took some smears to check a few things herself.
They gyno was an idiot who decided that I must not be attracted to my boyfriend (even when I explained that I have never been turned on by anyone ever), and that maybe we should seek counselling.
She did not do any tests, nor offer any treatments beyond advising to try a different lube.
I decided to do my own doctoring after that.
Looked more into vaginismus and found that a common treatment is to use a vaginal dilator set and practice kegels while using them to stretch and train your pelvic muscles.
This had to be done every night for half an hour.
It helped with the burning and bleeding, but not with my arousal.
I eventually switched to a cream rubbed into the inner wrists that contained bioidentical estriol (estogen). This helped in the same way the dilators and kegels did, except was much more convenient. And yet both my doc and they gyno claimed my estrogen levels were fine (without checking them).
I had hoped this would be enough, but it really ate at my boyfriend that I did not actively want to have sex. He wanted to feel desired, too.
I totally understood, but what could I do? He didn't want me to be fake about it.
So again I started looking around for answers.
I learned about a drug called Addyi. It's intended effects were considered barely above placebo in effectiveness. It's side effects were numerous, including fainting, fatigue, vertigo, nausea, and anxiety. It had to be taken every day.
I booked an appointment with my doctor to talk about it and maybe give it a swing. Despite the effects I wanted to make my boyfriend happy.
Meanwhile I continued to look into Addyi in hopes of finding more positive posts about it amid the many negative.
Then I stumbled on an article that mentioned Bremelanotide.
I was intrigued.
A per occasion drug with minimal ill side effects and a few extra positive side effects, and it's intended purpose was reportedly strong and highly effective in most users? Yes please!
I cancelled my doctor's appointment.
Once I found a supply I ordered a couple bottles and eagerly awaited them.
I was sad to hear that sub-q injections were the way to go as the nasal sprays had a risk factor for high blood pressure. I'm not a fan of needles and had never self injected.
I read around the internet while I waited and settled on an every 3 days max usage.
I also read that the current testing had gone all the way up to 10mg doses, so I knew where a safe limit was, and knew that most felt the best effects at between 1.25-1.75mg.
So I started at 1mg. Took me some small courage to use a needle on myself. Even a baby one like an insulin needle.
I flushed in the face for 15-30 mins shortly after the injection.
4 hours passed and nothing further happened.
3 days later I tried 2mg.
I flushed in the face again.
4 hours passed and still nothing.
A bit worried that I was too broken even for this drug, or that I'd received a crappy product, 3 days later I tried 3mg.
Flushed face and some tightening around the stomach (wouldn't even call it nausea).
Around an hour in I began to feel different.
Something was up down there.
By the 3 hour mark I was experiencing a revelation!
I can say without a shadow of a doubt that asexuality exists and is legitimate.
I can say this because for the first time in my life I wanted sex. Oh. So. Badly.
I climbed onto the couch in front of my boyfriend, who was playing video games, and just bounced there in his way. I get bouncy in the calves when I'm excited.
He knew what I'd been doing, so he wasn't fully surprised, but he was certainly happy to hear that I wanted him.
And the sex! I enjoyed the whole thing! Especially when he came.
I did not (and still have not) cum myself, but I have always been more C gal. We've never found G, unsurprisingly, so we have some experimenting to do.
But I don't mind because it still felt great, and maybe one day we'll get there as I get used to actually enjoying the experience and experiment with it.
We also haven't tried the We-Vibe or Eva since this new discovery, so maybe now one of them will actually be able to push me over the edge now that I'll be in full pleasure.
They've been collecting dust in a drawer. Time to charge em up.
I dialed it back to 2mg the next time, just to see if I could go with a lower dose now that we knew it worked, but nothing happened.
So back to 3mg.
It has not effected my need for lube. I've never been able to produce much there, but Slippery Stuff works just as well.
For me it seems to have a strong kick between the 1-4 hour mark, then goes away whether we have sex or not. Very frustrating if we miss this window.
Usually I dose in the evening due to work schedules. The following morning I'll feel it at about half strength. I could go for it again, but I'm usually stuck at work, so no idea how that'd feel. After that it's gone. It's never lasted a full 24 hours for me, let alone 36.
That's ok. I'm just joyous that I found something that works!
I have noticed that my sun spots that I gained from my Mexico trip last year have re-appeared in the dead of winter. I've also noticed a few moles that were not there before. All look normal, nothing I would even begin to worry about. No real tan has happened, but my UV exposure is pretty limited this time of year.
It could be the happiness at the vastly improved sex life, but I also want to sing more and sing louder than ever (when alone in the car) and I'm getting more emotional when watching TV/Movies. I have not noticed any change in emotional or rational behaviors in day-to-day life and interactions, though.
I have been on anti-depressants before (not for depression, but the drug needed for my ailment was also an anti-depressant) and did not feel these positive effects. I have never identified as clinically depressed.
I have decided to stop using the estrogen cream to see how PT-141 effects my other condition on its own.
My only confusion now is why I seem to be mysteriously losing product.
I put 1ml of biostatic water into a 10mg bottle.
I should get over 3 doses out of a bottle, but so far I seem to get just barely under 3.
I seem to lose 0.1-0.2ml every time.
Any ideas here are greatly welcome. This stuff isn't super expensive, but it's not cheap either.
Also, we're planning on flying to Ireland this year. I'd hate to go on a romantic vacation without this stuff. Any ideas on how to either bring it there or have some ordered to wherever we're staying there?
TLDR: I'm a 29 year old asexual woman. Tried PT-141 and HOLY FUCK THIS IS WHAT HORNY IS?!